alone on this skyline

the possibilities are endless.

this solo flight will be a challenge,

but the outcome might be beautiful.

repost of an old post.

i'd like to be a little further west of here.
and a few thousand feet in the air.
let it enfold you.
the depth of this sundown.

so...
this is wierd.

all long lost family please apply here.

she's my sister.
well my half sister.
she's 25. and married.
that freaks me out.
i have two neices.
and a sister...
well a half sister.
and she looked for me.
that's nice anyway.

but i emailed her back.
i told her a little about me.
and she read it.
it says she read it.
but she didn't reply.

maybe she's busy.
maybe she's freaking out too.
either way.
i hope she writes back soon.
i just want to keep hearing from her.

this is #@!?&^* wierd.
my head is spinning.

you are my sundown

i'd like to be a little further west of here.
and a few thousand feet in the air.
let it enfold you.
the depth of this sundown.

i don't like what this is.
it's insane.
i hate the way my brain processes relationships.
this one is a bad idea.
we did try it once. it's a bad idea again.
i think i want it. but then i actually see him. it's like. umm no. bad idea.
and yet he's fascinating.
mhmm,

oh no.

i've always known
that actions speak louder than words.
but what do you do when words build walls
that actions can't penetrate.

this isn't how our "us" was meant to be.
when words say false hopes that emotions are gone
and actions say you want this to work
it hurts.

we used to have such great potential
and i still feel that pull
this gravity has been suffocating
every time i think i'm beyond you
the barrier falls
and your pull brings me back.

i hate the look in your eyes
when your words are a contradiction.

who am i? i don't even know.

i started thinking.

even if he isn't the perfect choice now.

who's to say anything about highschool matters in the future of my life at all.

i bet if i wanted to live in a hut on the side of a dirt road on an island off the Cote D'Ivore. he'd go with me.

he seems sincere.
but.
what i'd really like. is to put him on hold until after higschool. i just don't like the highschool drama thing.

and i don't know how much i can trust him.

i guess i have to try it to know. and stop wondering.